he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside