so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.