There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.