At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican