They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head