She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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