He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i have two assholes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
