I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
