When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i now understand why vodka
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
