i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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