Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
