Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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