I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
