My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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