Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
