well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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