I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
