I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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