im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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