If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
