So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Boobs are out for the taking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
