My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
