I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
