Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
