I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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