11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
