Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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