Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
