He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
