I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
