Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize