Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
