I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
