need another drink. this is the easiest way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
