I want to stick my p in your. b.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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