Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
