areolas are like halos for boobs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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