I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
