ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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