dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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