She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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