connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
