How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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