So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
