that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
this is an emotional support booty call
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
