I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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