My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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