I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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