She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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