I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
