How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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