Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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