Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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