I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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