Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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