if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
