She's JV to your varsity
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
