We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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