i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
