i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
