After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize