a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
