I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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