pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
