she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
