i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
operation have a gay friend backfired
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
