Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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