I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
