if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
