Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
