and you said cock pushups were impossible
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
