Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
