You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he thought i was a dude.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
