It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
