I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
