I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
