lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
