DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
