booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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