i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This girl is more easily done than said...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
