i just google imaged poop.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
