So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
