Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
