Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
