grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
