his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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