why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
