dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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