Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just high enough for therapy.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize