I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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