i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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