There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.