I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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