wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
