Can i not drive my cunt home
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
this hospital has no fireball
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
