he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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